Scribble Slinger

Martin out on Law & Order....nooooooooooooo!

2008-02-22T18:52:00.003-05:00

Ugh, Jesse Martin is leaving "Law & Order." Doh! The chemistry's going to be all messed up now. I like Anthony Anderson in comedy...not so sure about him on "Law & Order."

At least we still have Detective Lupo.

Don't forget the Boyz II Men lyrics

2008-02-21T21:11:00.004-05:00

Boyz II Men are the contestants on "Don't Forget The Lyrics" tonight. It's sad. It means I'm old and they're washed up.

I need my real shows back! And Wayne Brady just needs to get back to comedy.

Damn you, John Mayer.

2008-02-18T12:32:00.001-05:00

I swear we're still broken up, but this makes me laugh.

I'm sure I have Amnesia, too.

2008-02-18T12:24:00.002-05:00

Sadly, Deal Or No Deal has been feeling really appealing to me lately. I'll feel a little bit better watching the new game show I just saw an ad for, Amnesia. Getting Dennis Miller back on TV, good.

In this show, contestants are asked questions about their own pasts. In the commercial, the show brought out five women in wedding dresses and asked the male contestant to pick out his wife's wedding dress. The expression on his face -- spanktastic.

I'd face Jeopardy, The Weakest Link, even the lie detector test show. There is no way I'd ever go on this show. The last thing I need is for everyone in the country to know about my swiss cheese brain.

Just gimme my book.

2008-02-09T17:41:00.000-05:00

What is going on with service workers lately? Is there some kind of touchy-feely mandate going out from management? Get to know your customers?

Last month, I was in a bookstore buying the book "P.S. I Love You," and the woman checking me out shared, "Oh, I loved this book because I'm a widow, too." Wow -- thanks. Awkward. What am I supposed to say to that? "Oh, I'm sorry. How did he die?" I wouldn't, though, because that would be prying into a STRANGER'S life.

Today I was buying a new cell phone and the guy helping me out noticed the photo of my dog on my wallpaper. "My dog has diarrhea." WHAT??? Those words actually came out of his mouth. Two points for hotshot sales guy -- that's disgusting and I don't care. Is that really the image a salesperson should be putting in a customer's head to make the sale?

In summary, be nice, be friendly, but don't overshare. Make the sale and let me get back to my life!

During flu season, you'll find me at the Minute Clinic

2008-01-07T19:15:00.000-05:00

Since there's not much TV to talk about (Desperate Housewives. Eh.), let's talk flu shots. I put off getting mine until this weekend, and kept thinking, There's some drug store you can get them at now.

And you can. I got mine at the Minute Clinic at CVS. These places are awesome. A registered nurse was staffing the clinic this weekend, but physician's assistants also work there. They can diagnose and prescribe for strep throat and sinus and bladder infections, as well as give a variety of vaccinations. No line, no waiting, no doctor's office. And branded bandages.

Love it. Next year I'll be first in line.

Law and Order: Back From The Dead

2008-01-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

If you knew how much I love Law & Order, you would know how much it killed me to watch it going down the TV tubes. Tonight was it's last chance with retooled staffs in both the precinct station and the courtroom. And it was awesome.

Two words -- Jeremy Sisto. His Cyrus Lupo uses less brawn and more finesse than any other cop on Law and Order and he was mesmerizing.

And the tension between newly minted Executive District Attorney Jack McCoy and Blackberry-toting ADA Michael Cutter was so much more sincere than the angst between Detective Ed Green and his partner played by Milena Govich. Now we'll see how many episodes we have before the writers' strike catches up with us.

Slapbet on How I Met Your Mother

2007-12-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

Slapbet. Classic. I miss new TV. Get back to work, writers. Or help me figure out how to form a magazine editors union.

I was just wondering how pregnant women keep their balance

2007-12-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

Funniest headline of the year. Thanks, Yahoo!News!

Scientists discover how pregnant women keep from tipping over

Chuck Scene - Before The Writers' Strike

2007-11-12T19:38:00.000-05:00

This one's for Ann-Marie....Chuck begging Sarah to tell him something, anything, about her. Other than the fact that she doesn't like olives on her pizza. Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

Nanowrimo....I've changed my mind, of course

2007-10-20T21:51:00.001-04:00

So on December 1 last year, I counted my blessings that I still had my job, my husband and my sanity. And I promised I wouldn't participate in Nanowrimo 2007. Ooops. I just can't resist.

So I'm going to write until I panic-attack out. Only problem is I don't have a plot. I'm sitting here buried in writing prompts and motivational tools. Something I read that was interesting is to write about someone who's reputation is tied up in an inaitimate object.

This sucks because the last two years I had a really good idea of what I was going to write before I started.

Cadbury Gorilla

2007-10-20T14:47:00.000-04:00

This is just silly. I love it. And YouTube.

My favorite stories of today

2007-10-17T18:37:00.000-04:00

Everything always happens on one day. In no particular order...

Bride sues over flower color
It’s very important. Pastel is very different from rust. And for $27,435.14, you should get what you ordered.

Henry from Ugly Betty was in a movie about Tonga.
He was also one of the leads on that show “Out of Practice” with the Fonz, “A Life Less Ordinary” (the movie I saw on my first date with my husband) and Jake 2.0. Henry is adorkable.

Stephen Colbert to run for president

People hate clean Americans

Swearing in the workplace boosts morale
Only they call it ‘taboo language.’ And it’s true.

Dude, John Mayer is an ass
Who gets into a fight over Ron Paul? With the Mac guy!

Prison Break has jumped the shark
Why did Sara lose her head?

The lonely toothbrush

2007-09-16T22:37:00.001-04:00

This makes me sad.

Have you ever written your Congressperson?

2007-09-13T21:53:00.001-04:00

You should know how to contact our Congress. You know there's something you feel strongly about.

Find out how to contact your Senators here.

Find out how to contact your Representative here.

For instance, there's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to
go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Here's a form letter you can use. Write on behalf of yourself or a woman you care about.

In January 2007, Senators Olympia Snowe (R-ME) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA) and Representative Rosa L. DeLauro (D-CT) reintroduced the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act of 2007 (S. 459/H.R.758). The bill would allow a woman and her doctor to decide whether she should recuperate for at least 48 hours in the hospital or whether she has enough support to get
quality care at home following this emotionally and physically difficult surgery.
I ask for your support on this important legislation.

I hate football

2007-09-11T22:04:00.000-04:00

I can't stand football and yet I always seem stuck in front of a TV on Sunday during the season. The thing that bothers me is these guys can't keep their helmets on. Every time I look up from my laptop or my book, there's some guy's head sticking out of a pile-up with no helmet on, like a turtle's head coming out of its shell. And even when these guys do keep their helmets on, they're getting paralyzed.

- The referees make up calls as they go
- The testosterone-laden frenzy guys get worked up into
- The fact that the guy that runs with the ball always runs into high-traffic areas

UPDATE: Sports Illustrated agrees with me!

Stewie Tells Us How To Write A Novel

2007-09-03T15:16:00.000-04:00

As someone who's won Nanowrimo, I recommend Stewie's advice on how to write a novel. This cracks me up.

They're Smoking Crack, I'm Smoking Crack

2007-08-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

I'm watching Platinum Weddings on WE. I have to admit it to tell this story. The bride's name is Mili Icecreamwala. That's what the graphic said. I'm still not even sure that wasn't someone trying to make fun of her name. And her wedding cost $1.2 million. So we're both smoking crack.

Stick A Fork In Me...

2007-08-19T21:50:00.000-04:00

I tease my husband that ever since he's become more of a manager-type, he's started talking like a press release. But honestly, he's started talking more like this, Seth Godin's Encyclopedia of Business Cliches. My favorite has always been "highly leveraged."

Local News Hires Stupid Woman To Anchor News

2007-08-19T21:31:00.000-04:00

Tons of things are bothering me lately about the media, but just the previews for Anchorwoman have me squirming. They've hired her because she's beautiful and they know she's an idiot. Give me a break. Seriously. I hope I never have a daughter and have to try to explain television and Hollywood to her. And what it means to be a real woman, an adult or have a brain, with so many bad examples everywhere.

J.K. Rowling's On A Comeback

2007-08-19T16:39:00.000-04:00

Report: 'Harry Potter' Author J.K. Rowling Working On Crime Novel

I knew she couldn't say away from writing. It's like a disease. And a crime novel? This is like combining my favorite television (Law & Order) with my favorite books. Let's hope it's true. Tee hee.

Does Anyone Have Something Good To Say About The iPhone?

2007-08-17T09:08:00.000-04:00

It seems like everyone is realizing, one at a time, they don't want the iPhone anymore. Channel 3 reports problems even with the billing.

How Many Trees Did Your iPhone Bill Kill?

No More "Couldn't Be Reached For Comment"

2007-08-09T13:02:00.001-04:00

Google News Allowing Story Participants To Comment

That's really cool, but also kinda scary. I don't really want the news to turn into blogs. I still like that separation of church and state.

How To Ask For A Raise

2007-08-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

Wouldn't you like some good advice on how to ask for a raise? How about a reality show on how to ask for one. Of course! Is it possible that no one has thought of this before? TLC is on it, and the channel has been running the commercials. But I can't find mention of it on its Web site. Tune in Tuesday, August 14th, 8pm.

Where Did The Web Come From?

2007-08-02T17:48:00.000-04:00

I'm at a conference right now on publishing with the Web. This video is just awesome. I was mesmerized. Please watch it.

Farts? It must be good.

2007-07-31T08:26:00.000-04:00

I haven't even read this article, but a story with the words "fart tax" in the headline must be good. Hey, how come urbanites don't have to pay for their farts?

Further Rumblings Over Rural 'Fart Tax'

An Interview With JK Rowling

2007-07-26T13:17:00.000-04:00

This is just about one of the most adorable things I've seen -- little kids asking JK Rowling questions about Harry Potter. She is my hero. No spoilers here.

Old People Don't Laugh

2007-07-11T20:30:00.000-04:00

This article confirms everything I've ever experienced. How many times have you been sitting watching TV with someone over the age of 65 when they utter, "Well, I didn't think that commercial was very funny." It was funny. You're just old.

Get The Joke? As You Age, You May Not

Top 10 Kick-Ass Girl Songs

2007-07-10T13:10:00.000-04:00

10. Sarah McLaughlin -- Building A Mystery
On the list just for the line, "You're a beautiful f*cked up man." Yeah, I feel that.

9. Fiona Apple -- Criminal
Just kicks ass. So what if she was 12 years old when she wrote it.

8. Dixie Chicks -- Goodbye, Earl
Look out for the Dixie Chicks, man. Don't cross 'em. Especially you, Jason Lee.

7. Tina Turner -- anything
Tina Turner will kick your ass by accident. Any song.

6. Jewel -- Carnivore
Less known, but packs a graphic punch. "I'll never trust my pink fleshy heart to a caaarr-nivoooooore." Yeah.

5. Carrie Underwood -- Before He Cheats
Man, these country girls...don't mess with them. They'll key your car and stuff you in the trunk.

4. Rilo Kiley -- Does He Love You
I've never felt sorry for the other woman before . It's all your fault, you man!

3. Evanescence -- When You're Sober
I listen to this song just to hear the anger in her voice.

2. No Doubt -- Just A Girl
That's my kind of sarcasm.

1. Alanis Morrisette -- You Oughta Know
I listen to this song for two weeks straight during my freshman year in college. You know, during my strike against men.

What did I miss?

How Not To Avoid Jury Duty

2007-07-10T13:08:00.000-04:00

Or, how to get jury duty and a perjury charge on the same day!

"I'm a habitual liar."

"Are you lying to me now?"

"Maybe."

Dur.

How Women Are Ruining The BBC

2007-05-08T12:55:00.000-04:00

This guy needs a slap in the head.

The BBC has been ruined by women producing 'terrible programmes,' according to Sir Patrick Moore.

There's actually a Wikipedia entry for Michael Scott

2007-04-12T13:26:00.000-04:00

Here's his Wikipedia page. You will not believe the analysis.

But it seems that after he mentioned it last week, tons of people have been searching Wikipedia for "salary negotiation." I love Steve Carell.

Dance Dance Revolution prodigy

2007-04-10T20:16:00.001-04:00

This kid is cracking me up.

Anna-Nicole was a liar

2007-04-10T19:33:00.000-04:00

This is always how I react when I find out that I've proved a dead woman a liar and taken a child away from a man who thought he was her father. Yessssss, I rock.

Aww....Dr. Cox is married!

2007-04-10T11:56:00.000-04:00

Dr. Cox married a yoga instructor. Nice.

I'd marry my iPod

2007-04-09T12:56:00.000-04:00

Here's the happy and sad of it (from Digg).

Guy proposes on iPod.

Guy puts iPod in a blender.

Is Grindhouse really a feminist film?

2007-04-08T20:12:00.000-04:00

That's what all these movie reviewers are saying. It doesn't really seem like Rose McGowan, half naked with a stumpy machine gun, is a feminist icon. It seems pretty stupid to me. Here's what this guy at Time says about it.

Why Can't A Woman...Be A Man?

You do NOT want to meet her in a dark alley

2007-04-07T22:47:00.000-04:00

A little girl talks on YouTube about what she'd do to a monster if it came after her. Such a sweet face, such a foul mouth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AfU7IGXJhc

X Prize looks for 100 mpg+ cars

2007-04-06T18:26:00.000-04:00

I was just saying the other day, "Why can't somebody redesign the car? How hard could it be?" I leave that to all those braniacs out there.

http://www.xprize.org/

Coke 1, Jesus 0

2007-04-06T18:23:00.000-04:00

I guess Jesus isn't Coke's homeboy...

http://www.newsnet5.com/foodnews/11538771/detail.html